P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E

Bear in mind, you need to have the above characteristic/skill in your working world!

"Drench yourself in words unspoken.
Live your life with wide arms open.

Today is where your book begins.

The rest is still UNWRITTEN"

-Natasha Bedingfield-

Self-avoiding is the correct choice!

A damn sickening and emo post should be that is best describe my feeling right now!
Pls avoid this post if you feel that is not appropriate for you, and I will not be responsible for anything that could make you feel not good after this.

Self-hurting is the only thing that make me felt hurt, so hurt! Saw something which is aching is what I've done and I'm sorry to you! Sorry for doing that, but I just couldn't help myself! I hope you can really stand on my point of view and can ever understand my feeling. I didn't blame you but I just felt ache, hurt and pain on what I had saw and what's the replies that you have gave to me! It is just so painful and it is only on my side as I never blame anything on you! But, the replies that you gave me started to let me wonder, "Am I really that sickening?" "Am I really that fucking annoying?" As it I already feel the ultimate pain, hurt and ache, and yet you were not understanding, and started to put on anger in replying me.

Ya, you don't even have any anger on me, not even a minute! Ok, I have got it! That's the most painful replies I have got from you and I remember that and I won't fucking bother your life anymore! You are now just like a total stranger to me for myself not believing you will ever treat me like that, but you did! OK! I HAVE GOT IT!

I truly believe below statement, which is the world won't stop for my grief. So, any friends that are going to scold me and pissed off but  I want to let you all know, I truly understand that. Pls don't be cruel to me and making me feel bad by words now as I am really feel bad on myself as well for right now! Pls have mercy on me!

I hope this is not a fact, but eventually this it is

I've gone through a lot of things this few days and none of it is a good thing for me.
And if you visited my blog, you should notice there is some changes in my layout.
Yes, I don't need to do any pathetic counting anymore because I've been officially dumped less than 1 hour ago.
This also means that we are just done before the 5 years anniversary, which is still about 1 months, 2 weeks and 6 days to go.
Good thing is, Im glad Im hearing from him personally and not thinking nor guessing...
At least, he is honest to me and telling the truth rather than letting problems unsolved.
Guys... I think is hard to be trusted anymore. Promises can be flowerly, and 1 more things I had learned through this from him.

'Words can be beautiful, be sure it is true'

P/s : I really hope things will nv happenned

My little spoilt brat

I never knew it will be the last day we can be together,
I never knew it could be the last memory that you gave me,
I hope that you can live happily in your new home,
I hope they can treated you good like how I used to pamper you,
I never choose to leave you if it's within my ability,
I'm sorry for allowing them to take you away from me...
I truly miss you and I never stop tearing whenever I'm thinking about you,
my little spoilt brat

That's the last two photo of yours for my memory.... I miss you so much!!!

It was raining for more than an hour, and I was sitting in front of my laptop for more than 5 hours doing nothing. Literally, nothing practical I suppose.

I don't feel good but I can't find someone to talk to. I know it was damn pathetic.

Mind keeps wandering far far away, how I wish someone can talk to me, or even understand me, but sadly there wasn't any. 

Why there will be 'tears' in this world? People said no tear, and you wouldn't know joy. To have joy, you must first have tears. But, why I don't have joy although I tears a lot? 

Alright, I shall stop complaining. I know it doesn't help anyway.

Posting a negative post will get negative comments from other, at least I know in someone's mind, perhaps. Guess people will say," Huh?! WTF! Again? Don't she just have any better post than emo-ing and blah-ing away?!" 

Ok, I got thought of stop blogging or just move to other blogspot where no one will ever get there but why should I compromise to others. Why not you all choose to go to the (red X at the top right corner) or don't even log in to www.kahyee14.blogspot.com instead of complaining what I wrote. 

Listen up, yo! I got my own freedom to write what I want as long as what I wrote is not against others or violating any rules & regulations.. and etc etc...
At this moment, I just wish to be at home, hugging my mum and surrounded by my family :(

P/s : Ignorance is pathetic! Being ignore is painful!

How silly I was!

"Reading lines by lines and expecting to see your name inside, and when every single one is mentioned without fails but not you, that's the end of the post"

Ok, my babe, Ashlee just help me to sentence out what is inside my mind recently without me even telling her how I felt, and yeah, she is alway, as usual, simply understand me and no one ever beat her when it comes to this matter. How I wish he could understand me even better, but if he does, i doubt of the existence of this post.

Yeah, I'm a quite sensitive person and when it comes to own feeling, I never held back and when every conversation of me and my bestie, I'm dropping my tears as whatever from her, is a truth that I've known it but yet I'm telling myself previously that I might be thinking too much. How silly I was! 

You will never understand how envy I was when I came across other's fb to see that their wall post, photo comment are filled with comments that are so lovey dovey or yet a simple concern msg. But, what have I got so far? Yeah, NONE! Don't be surprised, even a stranger might knock on my wall and leave me comments but what have I got from him ever since I got my fb account? I'm sounded like I'm hungered for comments, but I'm not! Don't judge me if you don't ever get your head into my situation!

She told me what will you get in the end? Hoping for a change? How if it impossible? If possible, how long it takes? And by that times, you lost all your youth...

Conclusion, I'm dumb, moron, idiot and I know that, I'll always be!

Annoying entry

 Note : This entry might be annoying, just don't read or blame me after you have read if it does make you feel ain't good!

Midterms finally done but there are still 4 assignments waiting for us to be done.
Trying to rushing for it so we could have comfortable day without worries/stress.
For the sake of ENT & HRM midterm and HRM assignment, I had skipped 5 LECTURE class! is 5!
I don't feel good not because of worrying I didn't sign the attendance which may resulting bar for final but is the knowledge that I miss out, freaked me out as I'm not an intelligent students where I still need guidance and knowledge from lecturers.

I don't feel good today nor moody but there are something.
There are something that make me quite upset.
I've been blame by someone over something that is absolutely not my fault. I don't know how to exaggerate as to recall back, I think is ridiculous. Why on earth people will blame someone that has done nothing wrong?
For the sake of not calling somebody to wake up, I've been asked harshly and forced to see the "black" face. Hello, excuse me? I'm not your nanny! Nor you alarm clock!
Ok, to put in a simple way...
Did you ask me to wake you up at first? Think and recognize whether is my fault or not before talking so LOUDLY and MEAN to me!
I am human, I have feeling! Just because of something that not pleased you, I have to be treated like this? Please consider on other's feeling too!
Previously excited emotion just shrunk to the min lvl because of this.

As I said there are something previously, so this is the second part of what I felt / gone through.
 I'm trying to help up / to ease burden on you but I can feel that you are just avoiding me.
I mean to get things done but I could feel that you think I'm looking down on you by even my mere intention was actually to help you.(maybe is my only assumption, I "perasan" or whatsoever, but this is really how I felt)
You can't blame me for thinking something like this, but your actions could somehow rather makes me feel so.
Am I really too mean towards you? Or too demanding until you feel stress when dealing with me?
Friends, we've been friend since we get to know each other and get along real well but somehow, now it becoming so far. Far that I could see the possibility that you never wanted me to be your friend anymore.
I don't know. Mayb I'm too sensitive or what, but I really can't help myself thinking on that.
I don't wish to lost the friendship but it feels hurt to recall back everything that has happened yet you could just keep quiet. Maybe you scold/shout/yell/scream at me, I will feel better?
Or even to let me know I'm wrong if I do so?
As sometimes, I don't know what I had done that might actually offended you or could like now, SILENT~

Friends, I take this chance to APOLOGIZE if I bring hurt and grieve to you all! This is at least, something I can do or could make me feel better, perhaps~

Argh, Ashlee, tell me what should I do? Wish someone will at least in this moment, beside me hears my rants and even comfort me or wipe away my tears.
I just couldn't help myself and tears dropped! I'm such a useless that can't even control my fucking emotion.
Fucking bitch, yea! I remembered that, somebody said I'm fucking bitch!

P / s : I'm fine. I felt better after this.

Everything is OVER

I can't tolerate this anymore!
From now onwards, everything is OVER!
Friendship that has been built since roughly 2 yrs back now is OVER all because of you!
I thought to mend things back although I needn't to do so cause literally this things doesn't affect me at all but I cant just stand still and see everything that is happening so uncontrolable without viewing my opinions.
I tried to talk properly with you but you responded like a "mad bull"!
What's the point with that?

Tell me, in your heart, we are just bunch of passerby in your life that gave you a lot of problems and troubles? Or we are the one who are just only kept asking from help and ignoring you when you need us for help too? If you DARE to say yes, you just come in front of me and tell me face to face!

But, I think you will not ever have the guts to do so!

I tell you one thing, you help people only because you want the rewards in return, you are such a bastard! Helping others with your sincere heart does matter.
Please remember that you can choose NOT TO HELP
AND please don't complaint later only after you help!

 

I don't think counting with you here will change anything that is happened especially when wanted to count how much HELP does you owe us? Because from the beginning, we didn't even want to mention everything that is a past tense anymore!

The last thing I can't tolerate is the "FUCKING BITCH" that you gave me in this 2 years ++ friendship!

NOW I REALIZE I SHOULD GIVE UP ON THIS FRIENDSHIP!

EVERYTHING DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE!

Running away...

Im running away...
Running away from reality, mixed emotion, yet I couldn't find a place to neutralize back my fcuking emo emotion.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
And it seemed that Jason and Shirley will be just as emo as me, perhaps.
Putting hope and faith in "someone" that they trust, and only realize that "he/she" changed.
I don't know how to respond too as I already been haunted by how the way he/she treated me back 2 weeks.
Literally, I'm not emo because of him/her but his/her attitude really make me piss off.
Back to my case, I run away.
I drove as fast as I could with the rain accompanying me, just like how it reflects the tears inside my heart. Soon, without me realize, the tear drops profusely.
I don't know why but I just know that I'm not happy.
I don't know who to talk to.
I don't know who to find.
All I know, I need to be strong to keep on driving so that I can reach where I should go.
There was a car full of malays keep on looking at me and slow down the car and I'm so scared that they will try to stop my car because I was just alone!
I speed and drove to the maximum so I can just far away from them.
I know it is dangerous to be driving alone especially at night but I'm just alone.
Nobody will ever understand my feeling, including you, perhaps.

 I'm just as emo like Bobby

Triple Suay!

Everything come so fast and when will it only stop?
Why today so suay?
The last suay, (hopefully is the last!), and the sketch below summarize it all.

In the forest, there are many kinds of species and the PIGs whose job is to do all kinds of job which is  to protect the forest and others' species.(Hell yeah, but those are just the surface. Deep inside is full of bribing) And so, there are in their operation today and managed to block the innocent species which I can said that bring no harm at all! Fine! They tried to ask for bribe and of cause the educated species won't give in their way and just let the PIGs to just fine whatever they want! BUT, the PIGs started to raise up the voice and ask for species' grandma and grandpa! WTF! Why on earth this could happenned?
Well, does justice exist? Or the PIGs are the the only one with power, that us can't do anything?

Tears

finally drop again!
Don't ask me anything, for sure I don't know the reason.

Ipx hppe jf xf ofwfs t***u

How good

if you were here
if you were here with me right now
if I can talk to you
if I can whisper to you
if you can listen to me right now
if I can let you listen to my rant
if I can let go all my emoness in front of you
if I can sulk in front of you
if I can laugh out loud with you

if we could go for food hunting together
if we could to for movies
if we could go for vacation

if we are not in distance

Just one word

[H]ate

Due to final

I have back to Kampar once again although felt so reluctant being here.
The feeling of alone, emo, lost, etc..etc.. all so sudden pop out
I sick of being here aimlessly doing nothing and being alone all the time.
The feeling of alone can be felt deep in my heart only by myself.
You see me nothing, yet doesn't mean I'm ok!
Haigh! I need to buck up myself.
Only myself can help me from being so miserable.
Ppl, I'm fine! I'm just fine!
You know what? I hate bitch! Those fugly bitch that likes to pretend innocent and vulnerable.
Just get pissed off and outta my life!
Btw, I'm alone, emo, lost, etc.. etc.. is not because of anyone. Or the above "people"
Gotta seriously buck up, be tough and courage to face tasks that assigned to me as a uni student.
Quote of today, "Do it slowly, step by step BUT continuously, eventually you will find your pace"

Initially, charity work at Ipoh supposed to be the next post but just no mood. Will be blog it soon when I find my pace! :)

P/s : STRENGTH and PERSISTENT is the keyword of success for me

Strangling with emotion

Nuffnang has their very own inaugural Nuffnang Asia Pasific Blog Awards and it is basically going to be held in Singapore.
Anyone can be nominated of any awards that have been highlighted or could nominated the one you think deserve to win those title.
I have nominated somebody :p well, basically I think he/she deserves anyway... and anyone could be in this right?

But, deep in my heart, I wonder how are they really going to judge it. Or it is just back to reality, only those famous blogger only could win? Like Fourfeetnine, Cheesie, SuetLi? Haha~

Later, I'm going for a charity work at Ipoh at 3am++ with mummy, aunty and my cousin. I wonder what charity work that need to get me moving so early in the morning.
But, I hope it will be a good experience and after this I will be more good enough to handle my own time cause I have been procastinating since yesterday!

For God sake, I also don't know what the hell happen to me and once and once again I have been so lazy. So lazy until I can't describe it. Hate it! Hate it! FML!
If this continuing, I might screw for my final and this is the thing I won't want to see it. Never again! Sigh~

Eyes damn itchy and watery now, headache since evening, what happen to me? Damn it! Stress! Sometime, i also don't know what the hell I am stressing myself. But, the feeling of stress is really appears!

zZzzz~

I hate "shit"

My life should be fun and happening as I'm still young.
I considered age of 22 is just the beginning of another chapter of life.
But, why I felt so pathetic?
Why I always overreacted(I suppose I am) whenever I have problem that need me to be solved?
The typical selfish me want to skip all those negative things that I might actually need to face it.
Can I?
Tell me what can I do to help you?
The selfish me would actually want to just close my eyes and see, hear and feel nothing about it.
I know I am selfish and passive but I'm just 22.
Can I just do what I'm suppose to do like all the 22 are doing?
Focus on study, enjoying life and not thinking how to solve this shit?
I am really pissed off at myself for saying such things but I just don't know what can I do.
God, please tell me what should I do to help him. Please guide him to the correct path.

P/s : Final is approaching as well. Haigh :(

Dedicated to the Irresponsible "Person"

Please allow me to release my anger and frustration here.
Btw, this is my blog and why I'm asking permission? Wtf.

Damn [A]ngry, [F]rustating, [I]rritating, [F]laming I'm right now!

I tried my best to control my anger and feeling towards this particular "person" but yet I failed cause of some irresponsible answer that the "person" finally gave me at 21:51pm

Let me just highlight the problem that occured,

Today, mood of attending class is so so as I considered I woke up quite late, 9.30am(due burning midnight oil) to get prepared for the early class and quickly got myself dress up and prepared for the only class for today which is 10am-12pm. Take note that I'm not fortunate enough to obtain car sticker this semester that causes me to drive all the way to East gate, got parked, walk all the way to Block D, D116 and once I stepped near the class, I realized that it is empty and asked Jason to call somebody to ask. And that somebody said class is cancel and he received notice of class cancellation roughly at 8am plus

Based on above explanation, do you think that I can be not fcuking FLAMING?

Let me tell you what the "person" had said.
"Person": I went back hometown last night, my phone din have your contact number, so cannot tell you. I just come back only(21:40pm)

The question is, I asked the "person" why didn't inform that the class cancel to me.. And I really think the "person" is bullshitting a lot by saying, "I went back hometown last night" which I don't think is necessary to inform me your whereabout.

Ok! Fine! Since the "person" don't have my number, the "person" HAS Jason number!

About the bullshitting things the "person" said just now really make me wonder whether is true or just a lie. But I don't think there's the need to lie.
Going to and back from JB approximately needs 10++hours if only by car and more than that if taking public transports and I last saw the "person" on Monday 5pm. Going back on Monday, 5pm and seeing the "person" on Tuesday,4pm++ online but the "person" told me, "I'm just back!"(21:45pm)

Is it possible? It is really puzzled me! and at the same make me thinks that it is quite impossible(take note : merely my own assumption)

The more I think, the more I got pissed off! Wtf.
I don't know why I'm wasting time to talk on worthless "person" for me here instead of getting my butt on the real business that I should have focusing right now!

When the angers just couldn't get off, you will see the horrible side of the girl bitching about the "person" right now!

Is time to get on cold shower and let all the angers GONE! All GONE