For every of YOU ♥

Looking out from the window from my room, recalling the first time I moved in to here, and there was 4 years back!
How time flies! It's just like a bullet train! 4 years memories in Kampar, I'll never forget.
The first year in Kampar, I remembered how I wanted to get graduated and finish my degree but until now, I just realize I started to wish time could turn back.
Pardon me, I really wants to get graduated on time in this year without any obstacles, but what I'm longing is my precious time in Kampar with my come-and-along friends.

No doubt, in this 4 years, indeed friends come-and-go in my life; coming to my life, being a good friend that I could never ask much for and then leaving me, just like that.
I felt sad of course, but I know, this is a real world.
Friend will never stay long, and friendship does got it expiry date.
The first lesson for me in Kampar is about friendship. I see how this friendship could simply rotate in just less than a day, and life is not a bed of roses in Kampar as always.
Besides coping with social life, study is the second pressure to me!

I'm not an excellent student forever in my studies, but I just know I never want to disappointed myself, my goal, my family and towards all the friends that cares about me.
So, in this 4 years, I never really play a fool in my studies, takes thing for granted and indeed works out more as each semester approaches.
Every semester that I've gone through throughout my study in UTAR, I was getting pressure particularly with arithmetic!

I thought taking Business Administration, I will face lesser of arithmetic, but still every semester, there was at least a subject involving arithmetic.
That's was my biggest weakest and enemy in my studies!
I still remembered, during Y1S2, I need to cope with 2 accounts, 2 quantitative subjects and 3 theories papers.
If I couldn't get survived during that semester, I think life would change by now!
That particular semester was really painful, teary nights, sleepless nights, and I really wish to thanks to her! She is the one never stop encouraging and by my side.
Even, past few months, I had problem in my relationship, she still stands by me, protecting me and taking good care of me! How could I ever express my indefinite thanks to you for coming into my life. How could I ever thanks to Him for creating a bridge between us, and get us connected! You are really a best friend that I'll never regret knowing and I really wish this friendship will last long. Please promise me to do that, Ms. Shirley Kwong Chee Ai!

Life still gets on although might not be a bed of roses during this entire 4 years. What I've learned, I will always remember and treasure it! Life ahead just about begin to start, though I might not know how results will ought to be, but I really pray everyday that I'm able to graduated on time, this year. Uncertainty arises, will even make me to outperform and do my very own best! Fingers crossed, that everything will goes smoothly as how it supposed to be.

Though life is tough in UTAR, but I really glad that I've known variety of friends in my life. Some will study with you, some will play with you, some will pillow-talk with you, and of course there are indeed numerous of categories of friends just suited for you, regardless of any mood you had. For me, if I wish to have a sweet escape, definitely there are friends that can bring laughter and make me forget the reality for a while, and thanks to them, there's how I can work out from my pressure. As I'm not good expressing in words, I just want to let you all know that, regardless of any friends that I've known, I'll treasure and always keep in my memory, not wish to show any priority to any bunch of friends and neglected any side as well ;)
I ♥ all my friends!

Badminton Superstars' gang, which added me in their group in Facebook. At first, I thought, what the heck is that, and felt awkward to be invited to a group which I barely even know each and every person in that group. Seeing them updating and spam the wall before I knowing them, I felt wanna say something inside that group, but due to my personality which will freeze from doing anything with peoples I'm not familiar with, I hesitated and just be one of the stalker in that particular group. Knowing them is through badminton, and the first time playing with them is in Rakan Muda's court. From that moment, we played frequently and obsessively due I need training for the inter-faculty badminton tournament in UTAR. At one time, we even played until 2am in the morning and straight for mamak until 4am something, and I still remembered I will have class on 8am on that day. Though it's tiring, but I have fun with every each of them. Though the period of knowing them is barely 2 months which is not considered long, but all of them are simply awesome ♥

Throughout my studies, I also feel grateful that there is always someone that could offer help in my studies when I encountered difficulties. The last group of friend which I've only known for a day which is the last day of Week 14 although they have been my lecture mates for 3 years! They are simply awesome, and never reluctant or hesitate to offer me help in business taxation and allowed me to join their group study. Although you all might not come across to my blog to see this, but here I sincerely wish all of you all the best in future undertakings!

To put all words for the freaking 4 years' life in Kampar is really not enough and I might need to come out with a book, perhaps, but each of every bits will forever restored in my eternal memory and never ever get deleted. This thing I can assured! Looking forwards for the new chapter in my life...

Thanks for everything, thanks for the memories each and every of you that have given to me, thanks for the ups and downs; THANK YOU is the 8 simple letter words which I could offer to each and every of you sincerely! All the best to all my friends in whatever you guys are doing, and must always remember me!!!

P/s : God, thanks for all the memories you have given to me! Please continuing to bless me to graduate on time!

谢谢你们一直在我的身边 ♥

我的世界有了你们变得五彩缤纷.
谢谢你们的陪伴.
感谢你们为了我做的一切.
有你们的陪伴 让我觉得我不是在一个人的.
我总觉得上天让我认识到你们实在是太迟了
或许 一切 已经注定
人海茫茫之中都可以让我们 认识彼此, 我已经很感谢, 也不敢多多要求
我会记得我们一起写许多的愿望 , 为对方许无数的愿望, 而这一切都会永远记得在我的脑海里.

你们都变成我的能量水晶, 无时无刻都在支持着我, 让我感觉非常的感动.
给我惊喜, 默默的去羽毛球比赛和我打气.
非常的謝謝你們 ♥

 

To be continued.......

Seriously untitled for the randomness of it, and basically just the voice from the heart

Exactly 2 months passed...
Its been the lowest point when myself needs to keep on reminding myself, or to be worst self-slapping to wake up myself to get real, to face the reality.
Thanks to those who keep accompanying me throughout my weakest moment, never ending concerning about me to let me know that, everyone is just so care about me, I sincerely know and appreciated that!
All this while, I just let my emotion to carry me away, far far away to where I don't know where it landed and just died at a certain point, for not willing to move or to get rid or wake up.
I don't have the passion in doing anything, I lost confident in most of the things, and I felt that I'm just a loser.
I hate to be alone now, for I will keep on put on my thinking cap and think of many many things.
I hate when the night come I just couldn't get myself to sleep. It's been 2 months I can't really sleep, and it's been 2 months I tears to sleep most of the time.
It's been tormenting me but I believe I'm strong enough and tough as usual no matter what happen.
I really hope I am, and basically, is just law of attraction, when you believe that is possible, then it will be possible. Just as simple as that! Right?!
I just don't understand why and for most of the time, isn't human being always never ending finding an answer to everything?
Sometimes, I just prefer to be silent and not to alarm ppl surrounding me that I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to someone which I regarded the one most closest to me in my uni but the responded from her make me realize that I'm so sickening.(Yet, I never ever deny you in my life from the response you gave me but choose another alternative to go)
From that replied and that moment onwards, I told myself that I will never ever bother you anymore, which is something you don't even wanted to know.
This thing let me realize that friendship is just so fragile, and it comes and goes easily, who will ever be truth to you sometime is just so questionable.
I never ever differentiate any of my friends into categories cause I believe that I treated everyone equally cause every of my friends is just so equally important to me.
I never wanted to offense anyone but somehow rather I know that sometimes I just can't please everyone.
I know that, but I never ever wanted any repay, but just one simple thing, that is be true to me.
Let me have faith in friendship by acknowledging me as a friend of yours.
Life's not about the people to act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.
Throughout all this things, mind grows mature is something that is undeniable. People always said that, when you at a certain age, you will grow and be considerate towards matters or peoples or to be worst, you will start to have a lot of worries that will never end, till the day of your last breath.
Whatever it is, I just hope that every pain that I went through will somehow rather let me gain something in return. It doesn't need to be visible or to be seen in second but at least, pls let me know that whatever I had done is worthwhile.
I do always reminding myself, no pain no gain!
So, I won't take things for granted, be it friendship or matters.
Ah, is another insomnia night as usual... but when this will come to an end?
God, I believe that you will certainly lead my way..

Annoying entry

 Note : This entry might be annoying, just don't read or blame me after you have read if it does make you feel ain't good!

Midterms finally done but there are still 4 assignments waiting for us to be done.
Trying to rushing for it so we could have comfortable day without worries/stress.
For the sake of ENT & HRM midterm and HRM assignment, I had skipped 5 LECTURE class! is 5!
I don't feel good not because of worrying I didn't sign the attendance which may resulting bar for final but is the knowledge that I miss out, freaked me out as I'm not an intelligent students where I still need guidance and knowledge from lecturers.

I don't feel good today nor moody but there are something.
There are something that make me quite upset.
I've been blame by someone over something that is absolutely not my fault. I don't know how to exaggerate as to recall back, I think is ridiculous. Why on earth people will blame someone that has done nothing wrong?
For the sake of not calling somebody to wake up, I've been asked harshly and forced to see the "black" face. Hello, excuse me? I'm not your nanny! Nor you alarm clock!
Ok, to put in a simple way...
Did you ask me to wake you up at first? Think and recognize whether is my fault or not before talking so LOUDLY and MEAN to me!
I am human, I have feeling! Just because of something that not pleased you, I have to be treated like this? Please consider on other's feeling too!
Previously excited emotion just shrunk to the min lvl because of this.

As I said there are something previously, so this is the second part of what I felt / gone through.
 I'm trying to help up / to ease burden on you but I can feel that you are just avoiding me.
I mean to get things done but I could feel that you think I'm looking down on you by even my mere intention was actually to help you.(maybe is my only assumption, I "perasan" or whatsoever, but this is really how I felt)
You can't blame me for thinking something like this, but your actions could somehow rather makes me feel so.
Am I really too mean towards you? Or too demanding until you feel stress when dealing with me?
Friends, we've been friend since we get to know each other and get along real well but somehow, now it becoming so far. Far that I could see the possibility that you never wanted me to be your friend anymore.
I don't know. Mayb I'm too sensitive or what, but I really can't help myself thinking on that.
I don't wish to lost the friendship but it feels hurt to recall back everything that has happened yet you could just keep quiet. Maybe you scold/shout/yell/scream at me, I will feel better?
Or even to let me know I'm wrong if I do so?
As sometimes, I don't know what I had done that might actually offended you or could like now, SILENT~

Friends, I take this chance to APOLOGIZE if I bring hurt and grieve to you all! This is at least, something I can do or could make me feel better, perhaps~

Argh, Ashlee, tell me what should I do? Wish someone will at least in this moment, beside me hears my rants and even comfort me or wipe away my tears.
I just couldn't help myself and tears dropped! I'm such a useless that can't even control my fucking emotion.
Fucking bitch, yea! I remembered that, somebody said I'm fucking bitch!

P / s : I'm fine. I felt better after this.

Everything is OVER

I can't tolerate this anymore!
From now onwards, everything is OVER!
Friendship that has been built since roughly 2 yrs back now is OVER all because of you!
I thought to mend things back although I needn't to do so cause literally this things doesn't affect me at all but I cant just stand still and see everything that is happening so uncontrolable without viewing my opinions.
I tried to talk properly with you but you responded like a "mad bull"!
What's the point with that?

Tell me, in your heart, we are just bunch of passerby in your life that gave you a lot of problems and troubles? Or we are the one who are just only kept asking from help and ignoring you when you need us for help too? If you DARE to say yes, you just come in front of me and tell me face to face!

But, I think you will not ever have the guts to do so!

I tell you one thing, you help people only because you want the rewards in return, you are such a bastard! Helping others with your sincere heart does matter.
Please remember that you can choose NOT TO HELP
AND please don't complaint later only after you help!

 

I don't think counting with you here will change anything that is happened especially when wanted to count how much HELP does you owe us? Because from the beginning, we didn't even want to mention everything that is a past tense anymore!

The last thing I can't tolerate is the "FUCKING BITCH" that you gave me in this 2 years ++ friendship!

NOW I REALIZE I SHOULD GIVE UP ON THIS FRIENDSHIP!

EVERYTHING DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE!