Seriously untitled for the randomness of it, and basically just the voice from the heart

Exactly 2 months passed...
Its been the lowest point when myself needs to keep on reminding myself, or to be worst self-slapping to wake up myself to get real, to face the reality.
Thanks to those who keep accompanying me throughout my weakest moment, never ending concerning about me to let me know that, everyone is just so care about me, I sincerely know and appreciated that!
All this while, I just let my emotion to carry me away, far far away to where I don't know where it landed and just died at a certain point, for not willing to move or to get rid or wake up.
I don't have the passion in doing anything, I lost confident in most of the things, and I felt that I'm just a loser.
I hate to be alone now, for I will keep on put on my thinking cap and think of many many things.
I hate when the night come I just couldn't get myself to sleep. It's been 2 months I can't really sleep, and it's been 2 months I tears to sleep most of the time.
It's been tormenting me but I believe I'm strong enough and tough as usual no matter what happen.
I really hope I am, and basically, is just law of attraction, when you believe that is possible, then it will be possible. Just as simple as that! Right?!
I just don't understand why and for most of the time, isn't human being always never ending finding an answer to everything?
Sometimes, I just prefer to be silent and not to alarm ppl surrounding me that I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to someone which I regarded the one most closest to me in my uni but the responded from her make me realize that I'm so sickening.(Yet, I never ever deny you in my life from the response you gave me but choose another alternative to go)
From that replied and that moment onwards, I told myself that I will never ever bother you anymore, which is something you don't even wanted to know.
This thing let me realize that friendship is just so fragile, and it comes and goes easily, who will ever be truth to you sometime is just so questionable.
I never ever differentiate any of my friends into categories cause I believe that I treated everyone equally cause every of my friends is just so equally important to me.
I never wanted to offense anyone but somehow rather I know that sometimes I just can't please everyone.
I know that, but I never ever wanted any repay, but just one simple thing, that is be true to me.
Let me have faith in friendship by acknowledging me as a friend of yours.
Life's not about the people to act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.
Throughout all this things, mind grows mature is something that is undeniable. People always said that, when you at a certain age, you will grow and be considerate towards matters or peoples or to be worst, you will start to have a lot of worries that will never end, till the day of your last breath.
Whatever it is, I just hope that every pain that I went through will somehow rather let me gain something in return. It doesn't need to be visible or to be seen in second but at least, pls let me know that whatever I had done is worthwhile.
I do always reminding myself, no pain no gain!
So, I won't take things for granted, be it friendship or matters.
Ah, is another insomnia night as usual... but when this will come to an end?
God, I believe that you will certainly lead my way..

Recent Weekend

Clubbing session with besties and friends ...

 BBQ session ...

Last but not least, karaoke session ...

* * *

Now, time to work more harder for FYP and final exam!

Self-avoiding is the correct choice!

A damn sickening and emo post should be that is best describe my feeling right now!
Pls avoid this post if you feel that is not appropriate for you, and I will not be responsible for anything that could make you feel not good after this.

Self-hurting is the only thing that make me felt hurt, so hurt! Saw something which is aching is what I've done and I'm sorry to you! Sorry for doing that, but I just couldn't help myself! I hope you can really stand on my point of view and can ever understand my feeling. I didn't blame you but I just felt ache, hurt and pain on what I had saw and what's the replies that you have gave to me! It is just so painful and it is only on my side as I never blame anything on you! But, the replies that you gave me started to let me wonder, "Am I really that sickening?" "Am I really that fucking annoying?" As it I already feel the ultimate pain, hurt and ache, and yet you were not understanding, and started to put on anger in replying me.

Ya, you don't even have any anger on me, not even a minute! Ok, I have got it! That's the most painful replies I have got from you and I remember that and I won't fucking bother your life anymore! You are now just like a total stranger to me for myself not believing you will ever treat me like that, but you did! OK! I HAVE GOT IT!

I truly believe below statement, which is the world won't stop for my grief. So, any friends that are going to scold me and pissed off but  I want to let you all know, I truly understand that. Pls don't be cruel to me and making me feel bad by words now as I am really feel bad on myself as well for right now! Pls have mercy on me!

A short note

Wooots~ I'm gonna hike Maxwell hill in a moment later!
Geez, hope I'm able to make it to the top of the hill, bless me alright?
Will be doing a proper post soon cause Evelyn dear said that I shall update my blog :P

Confession of a "Useless"

Feeling so strange to type something here, not used to type at here at all cause all this while, I do blogging, but seldom in this blogspot anymore. Instead, in somewhere where I can really express my feeling more better.
Hmmm, a lot of things had happened but still I think most of the time I still in my dream land, not willing to wake up and I just seriously slacking a lot, is like been a month, I'm doing nothing at all!
Feel so bad to myself! Feel so bad to my family! Feel so bad to my friends! And feel so bad to my assignment mates also!
I've been not really serious in handling all the tasks, I don't think you all will read this, but still I think that I'm not responsible enough and I promise after this week, I will back to normal! Sorry to you guys ><
I just need some time and I really hope you guys will understand me and won't despise me nor give up on me!

Someone asked me what I want now, in 5 years time and in future...
By that time, I hesitated and paused for quite long, cause after something happened, I feel that I lost my pace, my direction and I just don't know what I want anymore!
I told myself, once I can write at here, means I will back to normal again and yup, I did!
I know is quite a long time but at least I success! Human ain't perfect anyway! I'm still learning to become a better person.
Thanks to the question, I guess I know what I want now!
I hope after this week, is a new start for me to explore more things yet to come in to my life!
Life is short, so, why not live life to the fullest?

To you, sorry for torturing you all this while, and because of my stubbornness, I forced you to take something that you can't even take it. Sorry for making you feeling hard and pain. Sorry for not allowing you to rest even when you wanted to. Sorry for not loving you! Sorry for torturing you! Sorry for making you tears! Sorry for the difficulty of breathing that I had caused you! Sorry for indirectly hurting you! Sorry for making you become weak! Sorry for making you become a useless person! Sorry for making you to become an annoying person in other's life! All this things is caused by me and I promise after this week, one by one will disappear!

Both cousin Abi and Ade are the best! They will always invited me for somewhere whenever it is possible.
Not wanted to disappointed them again, I accepted the invitation and I will say hello to PD this Saturday! Tomorrow gonna go KL and for the 1st time ever in my life, I'm taking KTM from Kampar to KL. Always wanted to do that, but time just now allow and finally I can do that tomorrow with my bestest friend in Uni, Shirley.

Though I know this and next week will be the most busiest week for me, but yet since I have make the decision, so I will bear any consequences. Probably because next Wed I will have one midterm and I hardly even do any revision at all! Assignments also haven't settled. That's why I feel so guilty for just leaving like that and have fun! Omg! I'm so bad! But, do not judge me and ever question my contribution towards my assignments!

As I said, life is just so short, why we just prohibit ourselves to do anything that we want?! Live life to the fullest, explore the unexplored, always be positive & optimistic and never give up! I'm always a tough one, now and forever!

Stay tuned!

I don't have the mojo of blogging recently.
Partly of the new 'nest' I've got for myself and partly there is nothing much happy things to be shared here.
Yet, I won't give up of my blog here.
So, stay tuned! I will be back soon!

對他唯一遺憾 是 分手那天
我奔騰的眼淚 都 停不下來
若那一刻重來 我 不哭
讓他知道我可以很好

我愛他 轟轟 烈烈最瘋狂 
我的夢 狠狠 碎過卻不會忘 
曾為他 相信 明天就是未來
情節有多壞 都 不肯醒來

我愛他 跌跌 撞撞到絕望
我的心 深深 傷過卻不會忘
我和他 不再 屬于這個地方
最初的天堂 最 終的荒唐

如果還有遺憾 又 怎麼樣呢
傷了痛了懂了 就 能好了嗎  
曾經依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪     

Mindset corrected, is a relief!

Shit, I'm still awake although now is already 3am.
Heart felt more calm with the companion of Kevin Kern, 'Beyond the Sundial' and the late night talk with "someone". "Someone" that I will not imagine I could share so many things with.
Thanks Shirley for the wonderful song, it did bring peace in my mind, and I'm glad you always by my side whenever I'm down.
Time is the essence of everything, when 2 souls are meant to be with each other, it definitely clicked.
I'm still waiting as this is the thing I can do right now.
Forcing doesn't make things become better but eventually it will mess everything.
Whether it is worth or not, it doesn't matter as I'm true to my heart and my feeling.
Is not easy to maintain this positive feeling but well, I think might be as the age get older, one's thinking and perception will change to become more mature.
Hmmm, later have something very important thing that I need to do, hope I can do it well.
Hope the video commercial shooting run smoothly and hope we will have lots of fun cause it is a new experience for us :)
Anticipated for that too...

I hope this is not a fact, but eventually this it is

I've gone through a lot of things this few days and none of it is a good thing for me.
And if you visited my blog, you should notice there is some changes in my layout.
Yes, I don't need to do any pathetic counting anymore because I've been officially dumped less than 1 hour ago.
This also means that we are just done before the 5 years anniversary, which is still about 1 months, 2 weeks and 6 days to go.
Good thing is, Im glad Im hearing from him personally and not thinking nor guessing...
At least, he is honest to me and telling the truth rather than letting problems unsolved.
Guys... I think is hard to be trusted anymore. Promises can be flowerly, and 1 more things I had learned through this from him.

'Words can be beautiful, be sure it is true'

P/s : I really hope things will nv happenned