Seriously untitled for the randomness of it, and basically just the voice from the heart

Exactly 2 months passed...
Its been the lowest point when myself needs to keep on reminding myself, or to be worst self-slapping to wake up myself to get real, to face the reality.
Thanks to those who keep accompanying me throughout my weakest moment, never ending concerning about me to let me know that, everyone is just so care about me, I sincerely know and appreciated that!
All this while, I just let my emotion to carry me away, far far away to where I don't know where it landed and just died at a certain point, for not willing to move or to get rid or wake up.
I don't have the passion in doing anything, I lost confident in most of the things, and I felt that I'm just a loser.
I hate to be alone now, for I will keep on put on my thinking cap and think of many many things.
I hate when the night come I just couldn't get myself to sleep. It's been 2 months I can't really sleep, and it's been 2 months I tears to sleep most of the time.
It's been tormenting me but I believe I'm strong enough and tough as usual no matter what happen.
I really hope I am, and basically, is just law of attraction, when you believe that is possible, then it will be possible. Just as simple as that! Right?!
I just don't understand why and for most of the time, isn't human being always never ending finding an answer to everything?
Sometimes, I just prefer to be silent and not to alarm ppl surrounding me that I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to someone which I regarded the one most closest to me in my uni but the responded from her make me realize that I'm so sickening.(Yet, I never ever deny you in my life from the response you gave me but choose another alternative to go)
From that replied and that moment onwards, I told myself that I will never ever bother you anymore, which is something you don't even wanted to know.
This thing let me realize that friendship is just so fragile, and it comes and goes easily, who will ever be truth to you sometime is just so questionable.
I never ever differentiate any of my friends into categories cause I believe that I treated everyone equally cause every of my friends is just so equally important to me.
I never wanted to offense anyone but somehow rather I know that sometimes I just can't please everyone.
I know that, but I never ever wanted any repay, but just one simple thing, that is be true to me.
Let me have faith in friendship by acknowledging me as a friend of yours.
Life's not about the people to act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.
Throughout all this things, mind grows mature is something that is undeniable. People always said that, when you at a certain age, you will grow and be considerate towards matters or peoples or to be worst, you will start to have a lot of worries that will never end, till the day of your last breath.
Whatever it is, I just hope that every pain that I went through will somehow rather let me gain something in return. It doesn't need to be visible or to be seen in second but at least, pls let me know that whatever I had done is worthwhile.
I do always reminding myself, no pain no gain!
So, I won't take things for granted, be it friendship or matters.
Ah, is another insomnia night as usual... but when this will come to an end?
God, I believe that you will certainly lead my way..