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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Confession of a "Useless"

Feeling so strange to type something here, not used to type at here at all cause all this while, I do blogging, but seldom in this blogspot anymore. Instead, in somewhere where I can really express my feeling more better.
Hmmm, a lot of things had happened but still I think most of the time I still in my dream land, not willing to wake up and I just seriously slacking a lot, is like been a month, I'm doing nothing at all!
Feel so bad to myself! Feel so bad to my family! Feel so bad to my friends! And feel so bad to my assignment mates also!
I've been not really serious in handling all the tasks, I don't think you all will read this, but still I think that I'm not responsible enough and I promise after this week, I will back to normal! Sorry to you guys ><
I just need some time and I really hope you guys will understand me and won't despise me nor give up on me!

Someone asked me what I want now, in 5 years time and in future...
By that time, I hesitated and paused for quite long, cause after something happened, I feel that I lost my pace, my direction and I just don't know what I want anymore!
I told myself, once I can write at here, means I will back to normal again and yup, I did!
I know is quite a long time but at least I success! Human ain't perfect anyway! I'm still learning to become a better person.
Thanks to the question, I guess I know what I want now!
I hope after this week, is a new start for me to explore more things yet to come in to my life!
Life is short, so, why not live life to the fullest?

To you, sorry for torturing you all this while, and because of my stubbornness, I forced you to take something that you can't even take it. Sorry for making you feeling hard and pain. Sorry for not allowing you to rest even when you wanted to. Sorry for not loving you! Sorry for torturing you! Sorry for making you tears! Sorry for the difficulty of breathing that I had caused you! Sorry for indirectly hurting you! Sorry for making you become weak! Sorry for making you become a useless person! Sorry for making you to become an annoying person in other's life! All this things is caused by me and I promise after this week, one by one will disappear!

Both cousin Abi and Ade are the best! They will always invited me for somewhere whenever it is possible.
Not wanted to disappointed them again, I accepted the invitation and I will say hello to PD this Saturday! Tomorrow gonna go KL and for the 1st time ever in my life, I'm taking KTM from Kampar to KL. Always wanted to do that, but time just now allow and finally I can do that tomorrow with my bestest friend in Uni, Shirley.

Though I know this and next week will be the most busiest week for me, but yet since I have make the decision, so I will bear any consequences. Probably because next Wed I will have one midterm and I hardly even do any revision at all! Assignments also haven't settled. That's why I feel so guilty for just leaving like that and have fun! Omg! I'm so bad! But, do not judge me and ever question my contribution towards my assignments!

As I said, life is just so short, why we just prohibit ourselves to do anything that we want?! Live life to the fullest, explore the unexplored, always be positive & optimistic and never give up! I'm always a tough one, now and forever!


eddie said...

what ever it is.. just hopefully u will alwiz be well and happy...
take good care urself...

RyanLCC said...

I am glad that u finally have that perspective. (MARK MY WORDS) U aint late...Guess what...I failed terribly in life from year 2004. Until today, I am still FAILING!! Somehow, the failure which I had encountered is a GOOD FAILURE (who says ...failure cant be good???!!). Simply, I learn a good lesson from each failure. I believe I am optimistic(which is not embedded in me naturally). I am optimistic because I FACE each failure with a positive mindset. NOTE: To able to FACE is already a FLYING START in nurturing your OPTIMISTIC mindset.

Well, KYee, well done because u face it...and i sternly believe that u would be well rewarded !!