Running away...

Im running away...
Running away from reality, mixed emotion, yet I couldn't find a place to neutralize back my fcuking emo emotion.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
And it seemed that Jason and Shirley will be just as emo as me, perhaps.
Putting hope and faith in "someone" that they trust, and only realize that "he/she" changed.
I don't know how to respond too as I already been haunted by how the way he/she treated me back 2 weeks.
Literally, I'm not emo because of him/her but his/her attitude really make me piss off.
Back to my case, I run away.
I drove as fast as I could with the rain accompanying me, just like how it reflects the tears inside my heart. Soon, without me realize, the tear drops profusely.
I don't know why but I just know that I'm not happy.
I don't know who to talk to.
I don't know who to find.
All I know, I need to be strong to keep on driving so that I can reach where I should go.
There was a car full of malays keep on looking at me and slow down the car and I'm so scared that they will try to stop my car because I was just alone!
I speed and drove to the maximum so I can just far away from them.
I know it is dangerous to be driving alone especially at night but I'm just alone.
Nobody will ever understand my feeling, including you, perhaps.

 I'm just as emo like Bobby

Tears

finally drop again!
Don't ask me anything, for sure I don't know the reason.

Ipx hppe jf xf ofwfs t***u

Remaining silent ...

We have been silent for almost 3 days... and I'm so not used to it...
I wish to hear from you but yet I'm afraid...
I wish you could ask about me but you didn't (so far this 3 days)
Everytime when there is a call from 012-5*****8, I thought it could be you, but yet I know it wasn't from you...
Perhaps, I should speak to you in the first place to avoid embarrassment or to let things cool down but yet I never take the step.
But, is either my fault too!
That's why I have been silent even when you insisted it was my fault!
I don't blame him for creating this mess but I never known you will have such big reactions towards this sesame things.
What should I do so that we could be like as usual as how we used to be?
On the other hand, I know he have been caring for me as usual and scare that I will get upset about this, thus he calling me quite often this few days to make sure I'm ok.
Yes, I'm still fine, that's the only things I could reply to you.

Ah, how good if everything is within our control...

P/s : Taste buds also getting upset :(

How good

if you were here
if you were here with me right now
if I can talk to you
if I can whisper to you
if you can listen to me right now
if I can let you listen to my rant
if I can let go all my emoness in front of you
if I can sulk in front of you
if I can laugh out loud with you

if we could go for food hunting together
if we could to for movies
if we could go for vacation

if we are not in distance

Freedom of Expressing

I just want the freedom for expressing my thoughts, feelings, difficulties, and etc.. etc,
but still I been penalized for cursing.
Ya, I know cursing is not good and it won't help to solve problems but is another way of mine to express.
This is because I don't gossiping with others but sometime I just need to burp it out so that I feel better.
Maybe as you said it won't help but that's the only way I express and is through my personal site.
Sorry if the previous post might be offended anyone especially to Mr. Raymond Chow!

It is all started with a conversation

Today.... erm, let me count... it should be the 5th day of study week(I mean before 10/09/2009)
4th day of study week can't blog cause don't have internet connection due to the late paying of the bills. Wtf right?
Anyway, nothing special happens yesterday though.
But, today, 09/09/09 something really good does happen to me. You just assume this post is before 12am although is 10th now. :p
That's the reason make me so high although didn't even properly revise what I suppose to revise.
Today been sleeping+procastinating+slacking+playing+blackjack,Big2+gambling a lot wey! Somebody just help me from all of this can??
Teehee~ I won RM3 from Billy Bong a.k.a the dealer. Gonna suck off your piggy bank on 17th. Watch out ok? Haha~

Ok. I know I been going out from my title. So, let's get back to the main point.
Today the thing make me *jumping on air* because it is all started with a conversation.

Yes, Sir! I will work hard and study hard! :)

Today, I received a good new from bro. Although is a small sesame thingy, but is a good new to me and I happy upon his decision too.
I have to admit that my bro is no longer a small kid but a growning young adult that looks charming to me all the time.
You know what, although you might not see this, but I really gotta say that I feel that you have make the best decision for you as I will alway love and care you no matter what.
Although we might not know what the future might be, but I trust you can handle it.
Although it might not work out the best, but it doesn't matter as long as you brave to take up the challenges that have been assigned to you as a student.
You must alway remember that jie will always support you and love you unconditional :)

Later 1pm going to meet Miss Jos for some revision on Finance. Hopefully I can gain something from the consultation. Praying hard!

P/s : Im guilty cause I'm wasting my time a lot! God, plz bless me although I'm bad :(

Due to final

I have back to Kampar once again although felt so reluctant being here.
The feeling of alone, emo, lost, etc..etc.. all so sudden pop out
I sick of being here aimlessly doing nothing and being alone all the time.
The feeling of alone can be felt deep in my heart only by myself.
You see me nothing, yet doesn't mean I'm ok!
Haigh! I need to buck up myself.
Only myself can help me from being so miserable.
Ppl, I'm fine! I'm just fine!
You know what? I hate bitch! Those fugly bitch that likes to pretend innocent and vulnerable.
Just get pissed off and outta my life!
Btw, I'm alone, emo, lost, etc.. etc.. is not because of anyone. Or the above "people"
Gotta seriously buck up, be tough and courage to face tasks that assigned to me as a uni student.
Quote of today, "Do it slowly, step by step BUT continuously, eventually you will find your pace"

Initially, charity work at Ipoh supposed to be the next post but just no mood. Will be blog it soon when I find my pace! :)

P/s : STRENGTH and PERSISTENT is the keyword of success for me

Strangling with emotion

Nuffnang has their very own inaugural Nuffnang Asia Pasific Blog Awards and it is basically going to be held in Singapore.
Anyone can be nominated of any awards that have been highlighted or could nominated the one you think deserve to win those title.
I have nominated somebody :p well, basically I think he/she deserves anyway... and anyone could be in this right?

But, deep in my heart, I wonder how are they really going to judge it. Or it is just back to reality, only those famous blogger only could win? Like Fourfeetnine, Cheesie, SuetLi? Haha~

Later, I'm going for a charity work at Ipoh at 3am++ with mummy, aunty and my cousin. I wonder what charity work that need to get me moving so early in the morning.
But, I hope it will be a good experience and after this I will be more good enough to handle my own time cause I have been procastinating since yesterday!

For God sake, I also don't know what the hell happen to me and once and once again I have been so lazy. So lazy until I can't describe it. Hate it! Hate it! FML!
If this continuing, I might screw for my final and this is the thing I won't want to see it. Never again! Sigh~

Eyes damn itchy and watery now, headache since evening, what happen to me? Damn it! Stress! Sometime, i also don't know what the hell I am stressing myself. But, the feeling of stress is really appears!

zZzzz~

Story about HER

Truth are hard to be found but
yet easy to be revealed

Truth? What is truth?
I just discovered one big weakness with me; which is too easy to believe in others which I related them as my friends, buddy or whatsoever terms you might want to give to someone you thought that are your real friends.
Haigh? Why this world is just full of these type of sarcastic homosaphien? Why this world is so cruel and why the facts is just so heart-paining?
Why when this young lady try to capture things positively in this beautiful world believing everything is indeed beautiful and out of sudden, is just like all vanished. All! All gone!
It is just so cruel. I pity her living in this world. World of emptiness.
But, she considered herself lucky enough to have her dearest family, her dearest man, her dearest ashlee, "ji muis' and buddies that are always be her side no matter what. And her dearest rommie and housemates of cause!
She needs to grow up. She is taught to be aware of people but she thinks that world is not all about this. World is about love and no matter what, she will be persistent enough to prove that she is right one day! People might laugh and tease about her regarding on her naive-ness but she don't give a damn care. All she need is courage, faith and support from someone that is real for her.
Dear God, I pray that you will lead her to a correct path and show her what is correct and grant her wisdom to differentiate what is the real in this world.

I need YOU

Lady luck, aren't you always beside me?
Where are you?
How could you let this happen when now is the most critical time for me to get all my things done basically?
I need you! Desperately!

Addicted to LOVE

Don't ever get addicted to LOVE

It can kill. It can make you feel devastated. It can make you drowning. It can make you emotional. It can make you lifeless. It can make you doing nothing. It can puzzle you. It can make you shed tears and cry.

However, at the other side, it can make you laugh, it can make you feel blissful, it can make you happy, it can cheer up you where there is something bothering you, it can feel your time and it can shape you to be a better one

P/s: I think I' m addicted to you!

He is leaving soon... another 8 more hours, he will be leaving me back to the place where he is suppose to be.
If deduct the sleeping time, there will be 2 hours we will be seeing each other before we apart from each other.
My feeling? I don't know how to say but I guess I will be moody until I can adapt my life without him by my side messing around with me :P
Reason is because I'm too used to be with him for the past 2 months and so sudden we will be apart from each other for a long period until we meet again!
Seriously, I'm the loyalty type according to OB which means I'm suffered in silently. Lol! That's what OB teaches me.
No doubt, I will miss You!

L for Lazy

Lazy! LAzy! LAZy! LAZY!!! LAZY!!!
Just one word to describe me now!
Blame it on dramas? Opps! Should have not!
Blame it on myself for being super duper lazy.
Tomorrow? Yea, brand new day after tomorrow! *thinking positively*

First step

Mind keep wondering and thinking of many things,

But, what's on my mind?

I really have no idea,

Was is just a dream,

or was is just an illusion?

Thinking of doing many things but keep holding back,

People said first step is the hardest thing to do,

but when you try to step out in the first step,

eventually everything will be fine.

It is true, people?

How I wish

I'm not completely done with my tutorials yet but I couldn't know why I'm still slacking over it.
I need to be PERSISTENT enough to get things done.
Days are moving faster and faster before I even notice about it.
It's almost end of Week3 and next week will be entering into Week4
How I wish I'm still having my sweet holidays as I had,
How I wish I could have more than 24 hours a day,
How I wish I could be at home munching Popitos while enjoying dramas,
How I wish I could have my family by my side,
How I wish I could have all my REAL friends by my side,
How I wish you could by my side,
How I wish I could by your side,
How I wish we will not separate from each other after 7th July 2009
But, I know this is impossible...
All are impossible as life isn't fairytale as I won't be granted any of this
I know I need to move on and look forward.*thinking positively*

Early morning, I wake up

I don't feel good today

I don't know why

I just want to know what is my dream just now

but sadly, not even a bit of it is in my memory

but, did I really dreamt?

I don't know why I need to know it

And yet, I want it to know it so badly

I don't know what I've been thinking

Yet, I know I'm not acting good enough

I've been acting weird

(inside in me)

Argh, I think I just need to forget about it

and things eventually will be better!

This morning, feeling ain't good. Lots of worries, really a lot. Sometimes, I feel that I tense easily and worry about things before they come or happen. In other words, I like to worry things easily. This semester, I don't feel good. Many things happen even before the class actually started. Feeling homesick although just 3 days i come back here. Damn it! And feeling of missing someone is so deep until I cried. Ya, this morning, I cried and I called him so that it can make me feels better. Next, assignment group. Fed up of everyone in the class. Some are really sarcastic and irresponsible. Ok! That's the end. I won't complaining about this matters anymore. Next, car park sticker. I failed this time which makes me have to drive so far before I even reach campus and the worst part is I have to walk under the hot sun in future. Haigh! Next, don't have any mood to do anything due to so many worries or problem I currently having now. I don't like the NEXT words cause the more 'next' I got, the more problems I think I will have. Hopefully every 'next' in future will be a positive 'next' for me.

- P/s: Should I go home later? -

Kampar here I come

I'm going back to Kampar in an hour time. Seems like I feel sad because this semester break, I have lots of fun with my buddies and friends. To be precise, my feelings kinda all mix up and eventually it turns out into the positive side. You see ya, before got my result, I felt worried, sad, eat lesser and can't enjoy to the max, but after got my result, damn man, I played like that's no tomorrow. Hanging out with friends exactly every nights, went for movies, crazying in newly open Giant, have my dinner twice and filled my stomach with supper again. So, can you imagine how I looks like now?

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A super duper FAT girl!!!

Arggggh!!!

I just want to let you know I'm really NOT happy.

Seriously, I don't know WHY but I just don't LIKE it!

I know I might be SELFISH but just NOT this time, and this "PEOPLE" please!

I'm lost right now but I know I'll find my way soon

Every people or maybe most of the people will know what they want in their life and find their way easily but for me, I'm totally lost. I'm not alone but yet I feel lonely most of the time. Friends are many out there, but friends who are willing to share my downs are really hard to find.(Are you the one?) Sometimes, I tend to be so passive until I mess out everything. I also don't know since when I become someone who will get emo and passive frequently but I really don't wish to be like that. I'm working hard to control my emotion and find my way back. And at the same time it works but it might fail also at certain times. Exam is getting nearer which makes me feeling stress easily. Ray told me to pray to HIM so that I feel better but will HIM listen to me as I not belong to HIM? I think I'm not. Then who am I? Where do I belong to?

If YOU are really listening to me, I pray that YOU grant me strength to endure all this weeks until the exams finish. I pray that YOU give me wisdom to make me understand better of what I'm learning. I pray that YOU enlighten my days with shinny sun and not cloudy rain. I pray that YOU reduce all my stress and emo feeling. I pray that YOU bring peace and joy into my life. I pray that YOU bless my family members so that they live happily and healthily. I pray that YOU bless all my friends so they are doing great all the time. I pray and hope that YOU actually listening to me...