Call me the Ms. Emo

I wish to update, but yet I don't have mood and time to do so.
Final is next Saturday, but I didn't even have the spirit to start revision.
Pathethic betul!
Feeling emo recently for don't know why, and I hate this kind of feeling.
Could be due to exam stress or my own personal matters.
Anything, I just hope everything could go right, and I don't think so much that make me become more and more emo. Hmmm, and hope I really could do that.
There is something that you wouldn't know, and I hope you are the one who will be the one who understand my feeling

Seriously untitled for the randomness of it, and basically just the voice from the heart

Exactly 2 months passed...
Its been the lowest point when myself needs to keep on reminding myself, or to be worst self-slapping to wake up myself to get real, to face the reality.
Thanks to those who keep accompanying me throughout my weakest moment, never ending concerning about me to let me know that, everyone is just so care about me, I sincerely know and appreciated that!
All this while, I just let my emotion to carry me away, far far away to where I don't know where it landed and just died at a certain point, for not willing to move or to get rid or wake up.
I don't have the passion in doing anything, I lost confident in most of the things, and I felt that I'm just a loser.
I hate to be alone now, for I will keep on put on my thinking cap and think of many many things.
I hate when the night come I just couldn't get myself to sleep. It's been 2 months I can't really sleep, and it's been 2 months I tears to sleep most of the time.
It's been tormenting me but I believe I'm strong enough and tough as usual no matter what happen.
I really hope I am, and basically, is just law of attraction, when you believe that is possible, then it will be possible. Just as simple as that! Right?!
I just don't understand why and for most of the time, isn't human being always never ending finding an answer to everything?
Sometimes, I just prefer to be silent and not to alarm ppl surrounding me that I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to someone which I regarded the one most closest to me in my uni but the responded from her make me realize that I'm so sickening.(Yet, I never ever deny you in my life from the response you gave me but choose another alternative to go)
From that replied and that moment onwards, I told myself that I will never ever bother you anymore, which is something you don't even wanted to know.
This thing let me realize that friendship is just so fragile, and it comes and goes easily, who will ever be truth to you sometime is just so questionable.
I never ever differentiate any of my friends into categories cause I believe that I treated everyone equally cause every of my friends is just so equally important to me.
I never wanted to offense anyone but somehow rather I know that sometimes I just can't please everyone.
I know that, but I never ever wanted any repay, but just one simple thing, that is be true to me.
Let me have faith in friendship by acknowledging me as a friend of yours.
Life's not about the people to act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.
Throughout all this things, mind grows mature is something that is undeniable. People always said that, when you at a certain age, you will grow and be considerate towards matters or peoples or to be worst, you will start to have a lot of worries that will never end, till the day of your last breath.
Whatever it is, I just hope that every pain that I went through will somehow rather let me gain something in return. It doesn't need to be visible or to be seen in second but at least, pls let me know that whatever I had done is worthwhile.
I do always reminding myself, no pain no gain!
So, I won't take things for granted, be it friendship or matters.
Ah, is another insomnia night as usual... but when this will come to an end?
God, I believe that you will certainly lead my way..

Lonely V-day eve!!!

Remaining silent ...

We have been silent for almost 3 days... and I'm so not used to it...
I wish to hear from you but yet I'm afraid...
I wish you could ask about me but you didn't (so far this 3 days)
Everytime when there is a call from 012-5*****8, I thought it could be you, but yet I know it wasn't from you...
Perhaps, I should speak to you in the first place to avoid embarrassment or to let things cool down but yet I never take the step.
But, is either my fault too!
That's why I have been silent even when you insisted it was my fault!
I don't blame him for creating this mess but I never known you will have such big reactions towards this sesame things.
What should I do so that we could be like as usual as how we used to be?
On the other hand, I know he have been caring for me as usual and scare that I will get upset about this, thus he calling me quite often this few days to make sure I'm ok.
Yes, I'm still fine, that's the only things I could reply to you.

Ah, how good if everything is within our control...

P/s : Taste buds also getting upset :(

Freedom of Expressing

I just want the freedom for expressing my thoughts, feelings, difficulties, and etc.. etc,
but still I been penalized for cursing.
Ya, I know cursing is not good and it won't help to solve problems but is another way of mine to express.
This is because I don't gossiping with others but sometime I just need to burp it out so that I feel better.
Maybe as you said it won't help but that's the only way I express and is through my personal site.
Sorry if the previous post might be offended anyone especially to Mr. Raymond Chow!

Due to final

I have back to Kampar once again although felt so reluctant being here.
The feeling of alone, emo, lost, etc..etc.. all so sudden pop out
I sick of being here aimlessly doing nothing and being alone all the time.
The feeling of alone can be felt deep in my heart only by myself.
You see me nothing, yet doesn't mean I'm ok!
Haigh! I need to buck up myself.
Only myself can help me from being so miserable.
Ppl, I'm fine! I'm just fine!
You know what? I hate bitch! Those fugly bitch that likes to pretend innocent and vulnerable.
Just get pissed off and outta my life!
Btw, I'm alone, emo, lost, etc.. etc.. is not because of anyone. Or the above "people"
Gotta seriously buck up, be tough and courage to face tasks that assigned to me as a uni student.
Quote of today, "Do it slowly, step by step BUT continuously, eventually you will find your pace"

Initially, charity work at Ipoh supposed to be the next post but just no mood. Will be blog it soon when I find my pace! :)

P/s : STRENGTH and PERSISTENT is the keyword of success for me

Happy 4th Anniversary to Us

4 years!
It is already 4 years we been together.
Without me even realize, we been together for 4 years!
How time flies.
Too bad, we didn't manage to celebrate it for 3 years because you is far away from me, far away from peninsular Malaysia.
And to be exact, I don't have any memory of anniversary in my mind and my heart.
Haigh, a bit disappointed on 14/08 whenever he is not around.
Sometime, I will envy seeing other's blog seeing those some sort of anniversary post and yet I've got nothing!
So pathetic.
How about next year?
What I want or wish, I will never get I. I know it. Cause we have different perspective views on this matter.
I'm just an ordinary lady and wishing to be get treated like how I supposed to be treated.
Anyway, I just want to say Happy 4th Anniversary to you. I love you.

WHAT THE FUCK

WTF! WTF! WTF!
Please tell me everything is alright at home!
I'm worried!
I want to cry but I'm just so afraid to cry

Fcuking miss Home

I got a feeling of going back home so desperately.
Hmm, although is near, but yet I can't
I can't put everything aside and run back.
How I wish I can do that like others.
Perhaps, I'm sick of being caged in Kampar for so long.
I want freedom! I miss my family also.. :( and at the same time, I want to go shopping!
Shop for Konad, shop for apparels, shop for shoes, shop for EVERYTHING that can make me happy!
I felt so stress recently, a lot of thinking and questions in my mind.
But yet, sometime, I choose to escape which explained why I can sleep anytime that I want.
So unhealthy!
Everything by hook or by crook must be done before 7/8/09 so which mean I have roughly weeks plus to get things done and going back to my lovely home!
Can you imagine just a weeks plus to get 2 tough assignments done?
Oh, ya! There's still a midterm on 1/8/09! I'm gonna die!
I'm don't know how to separate myself for that cause seriously I don't want to screw for my midterm.
God, bless me please! Please bless me with wisdom and strength like how you gave me last semester!

P/s : Yasmin Ahmad died, but I bet is nothing great compared to MJ cause not much people knows about her.

-4 top things that I hate-

I used to hate:

(1)Ppl who lie me

(2)Ppl who betray me

(3)Ppl who backstab me

Now:

(4)Ppl who give excuses

Angry! Disappointed! Frustrated!
What's more?
That's my feeling towards you right now!
You can't blame me for being so mad, but would you just look at yourself and realize what you have done that make me feel so upset?
You asked me to help you, but you are the one not only not helping yourself but holding me from helping you.
I'm being freaking boring to hear excuses anymore! "Do" or "Do not". That's it!

P/s: This post does not have any bad intention to disgrace others. What's in the content might not be what as you perceived.

P/s : Please ignore me from being freaking emo

I need YOU

Lady luck, aren't you always beside me?
Where are you?
How could you let this happen when now is the most critical time for me to get all my things done basically?
I need you! Desperately!

Birthday = Bad day!

Birthday = Bad day
I'm so sad and EMO
I'm lazy to tell. Let pictures tell everything!

-P/s : Poor babe :( -

This morning, feeling ain't good. Lots of worries, really a lot. Sometimes, I feel that I tense easily and worry about things before they come or happen. In other words, I like to worry things easily. This semester, I don't feel good. Many things happen even before the class actually started. Feeling homesick although just 3 days i come back here. Damn it! And feeling of missing someone is so deep until I cried. Ya, this morning, I cried and I called him so that it can make me feels better. Next, assignment group. Fed up of everyone in the class. Some are really sarcastic and irresponsible. Ok! That's the end. I won't complaining about this matters anymore. Next, car park sticker. I failed this time which makes me have to drive so far before I even reach campus and the worst part is I have to walk under the hot sun in future. Haigh! Next, don't have any mood to do anything due to so many worries or problem I currently having now. I don't like the NEXT words cause the more 'next' I got, the more problems I think I will have. Hopefully every 'next' in future will be a positive 'next' for me.

- P/s: Should I go home later? -

Coming back should be excited because finally I can meet my parent and my siblings and him. But, why is different from what I imagined? It's totally different! I hate that! Have you ever considered my feeling? Have you ever asking me how I feel? I been trying to attend to you even though I'm tired. Tired like hell! I been sleeping not more than 2 hours and I drive, when I reach home, I'm doing all the house chores and dinner with you but what's after that? Fine! You said I'm showing off my black face and letting out my temper? Am I? I'm not! I'm tired but have you ever asking me how's everything going on me? You never even a single word and blame me showing off my face to you and your friend. Wth? Why am I been blamed everytime? It's fine! Getting an sms from you is hard but seeing you sms-ing other is so easy. I thought I could received sms from you now since you are going for 3 days trip. But not even a single sms! Being an understanding gf, I know and understand that this is not what you want and of cause you should entertain your friends that are coming from faraway. I really mean it. But, have you ever just show your concern to me? An sms to me is just fine but yet I'm waited for more than 2 hours but I guess this is worthless indeed. To be precise, I don't think I stood a position in your heart and I'm won't be ur priority of cause. Never will! I don't even see myself inside your eyes anymore!

:(

When I was small, I wish I grown up and now, I'm an adult but I wish to turn back the times. As an adult, there are really many things to fuss about. Sometimes, I think I am over-reacting over some particular matters but I just couldn't help myself not to worry about it. And in the end, I kept thinking and stressing about, I pull myself so hard and sometime at one moment, I find myself couldn't breath. Really hard to breath and feeling so struggle. Once I worried about studies+exam and of cause the worry will have never ending until the day it finish. Then, there come about my little brother and now is my mum! I will not exaggerate the contents much as it won't help to solve problems. Maybe you are right, I should take medication, Ashlee. Or maybe it was all about me should keep myself loose and not worry over unpredicted things? Or maybe I should just don't bother everything that is within my control? God, please give me direction.


P/s: I think I should continue "Winter Melon Tale" before I really goes mad!

Guide?

I thought going back home will be better but it turns out to be not so...
I don't know why am I so emo in this semester. I'm really. Really never feeling happy and relax like how I used to be in last semester as I know I can't accept the feeling of failing. It totally hurts and traumatized me!

I still have 2 midterms left in this trimester which falls on Saturday. Both subjects had been tested in midterm test 1 and the results I've got simply not delighting which means I need to double up my effort but since midterm test 1 the result I've gotten is so bad, how could I do well in midterm test 2?

Sometimes, feel giving up but the moment I think about the efforts I've been forking out since foundation, I know I simply can't because that is my choice. I can't change my destiny anymore but yet I know I can work hard.(Can I?) Really hard to move forward. Furthermore, there are 2 peoples here are waiting for me, waiting for my graduation. I just don't want them to feel disappointed. I know they are giving the very best to me and they are working hard to provide everything that I've ever needed it. They are the only reason on why I am still holding on.

I've thinking of finding a job if I really can't hold on(I really want them to attend the convocation of mine), I've thinking of changing course if I really can't do well(but that will lead to wasting time of 2 semester), I've thinking to work things normal and just let it be(I failed, I couldn't and I'm too weak)

Tasks ahead that have to be done:-
10/03/09 - Tutorial Presentation
11/03/09 - Law Assignment Presentation
12/03/09 - OHR Assignment Presentation
14/03/09 - QTII midterm test 2 & Econ midterm test 2

I need guide from someone. Please tell me what should I do.

Im so unlucky T.T

I wish to CRY out loud but Im too weak, and no strength.

Why does this happen to me?

LAW, for sure I will fail cause I even didn't manage to do ALL the questions given because I left out the things I supposed to read about. The marks is 40 for 2 questions. I didn't do 1 whole question which means I lost 20marks. Remaining 20 marks is impossible to grab it all because I don't know how to do in the correct way! Why?!

BECAUSE....
(Lacks of studying LAW and because of stupidity=Ignorance of the IMPORTANT cases)

OHR - After I get into the exam hall, I found out my hp missing and I went out before papers distributed so that I can find my hp. To my disgrace, I couldn't found it and I just rushed back to exam hall. Inside the exam hall, after the papers distributed, and I requested to the invigilator to let me out to search for my hp because I remembered I went to the ladies before that(She is the nicest lady I ever met). And once again, Im disappointed because there is no sign of any dropped hp in the ladies. Thus, this leads to bad concentration while doing the OHR paper. Missing hp=Lost concentration in OHR.

The questions is not hard and to be frankly it is the easiest I've saw in my entire life and I hope I can score high marks since I will fail my LAW.

Does miracle once again exist?





P/s : Regarding my hp, I found out at the floor in an OPEN area!! Thanks god, I've found you! and luckily today there are not many students in that block D, if not.... I surely will CRY OUT LOUD!!!

HELP me!!!

Hey, please give me strength to study leh....

Plz stop raining as it makes me sleepy....

I got test on Saturday leh....

I don't want to FAIL

Can YOU hear me?!

Mummy

Mum called me just now said that she will pay me a visit tomorrow morning. I am so excited as I miss her so much. I really miss her. Being stuck in Kampar after CNY, I hardly can spare my time go back my hometown due to unfinished tasks, assignments and midterms. My life really dull in Kampar ever since I come back. Pressure from study and emoness in feeling really makes me can't breath all the time. I really wish that this awful semester will end soon.

MUMMY, I MISS YOU!!!

HOMESICK T.T

Early morning wake up at 8am not because of what I want, but by forcing cause I have class at 9.30am.

Haigh... Today is 18th. When 6th March 09 will come? 16 days to go and it is freaking slow!!!

Why the days in February ends fast as everyday is important as I need to rush assignments, prepare for mid-terms(4 to go, this Sat, 1mid-term, next Sat, 2 mid-term, after that Mond, 1 mid-term) etc... BUT yet is hard to end this misery February.

As usual, being pampered by mummy and daddy a lot, I'm homesick again. If possible, I really want to go back as soon as possible. But I can't do that. I can't go back as long as there is still a lots of heavy burden that had not been done and completed.

I really miss daddy, mummy, sister and brothers. I really want to know what's happening at home. Lil bro tell me that he's working now and I was like, "WTH, you no need study meh?" and he replied me, "bu yao gei zi ji ya li, man man lai" Oh my god! I just want him to know that working doesn't matter as long as you didn't neglected your studies. Like or don't like, we also need to complete our SPM. Didn't have guts to ask mummy about that cause I don't want her to think so much and fruss about that...

I'm really HOMESICK!!!