Night without Light

The night, before exam week but yet close to the study week, there is a sudden blackout in the place where I stay which left me no choice but to spend my time at the lake side with several friends of mine, beering while enjoying the cool breeze. 

Kampar no doubt is a dead town for most of the people, but for me I simply adore that for the simpleness of it.

Enjoy the night where after dinner, we went for the K-session just because the adrenaline rush for it, and once we decided to go back after everything, we been told that there is no electricity, thus we decided to buy beers and chilled near the lakeside. FYI, I'm still a good girl that ain't into or addict with beers or whatsoever liquors :P

 -The lakeside-

 -Ryan @ LCC- 

 -Jason- 

 

 -Michele-

 -Ben Hew-

He finally let me to take a more decent photo of him after so many snaps.

 

 -I need no introduction-

By, the way, this is not related to the content of the post, but this is my uni's library. I just found out that my library is not that "bad" to me during night time, and yes, I study at there til late at that night :P

Imma still so freaking awake though now it is 5.53 am. Been insomnia-ing quite some time and I seriously need to overcome it, or else, my body will seriously damaged or easily get old which is something bad for me :(

Kickoff the "Unlucky" Semester

It's quite some time I refrain myself from doing any update cause I don't feel they joy of sharing my ups and downs in public. My life is just pathetic, the tendency of downs is way higher than the ups, so is good not to being emotionally displayed in public about my feeling, everything that causes dismay to others as well.

Just officially end the "toughest" semester in my entire degree life for me, everything happened have changed me, physically and mentally.I have no idea why I can become like this, become so passive and no confident in everything that I'm doing.Yet, I can be so calm when I don't even know how to cope with my examination as in I have zero knowledge in this semester. Yes, I've wasted this entire 14 weeks without achieving anything! I know, is pathetic!

Still, exam did ended anyway. What I can do now is just to look forward and buckle up myself to move on, never look back, improve myself, improve in handling my EQ and most importantly, be tough and strong to face whatever difficulties that might arise in future. I hope so! I really hope I can be that strong again, find back the lost me.

It's holiday and is a month holiday but I don't feel the excitement of it, nothing there to be excited this semester break. Previously, I will get excited and anticipate as this is the time we can get closer to each other, but not now anymore. Thus, Imma as well get used of it for the rest of my 2 more semesters.


I'm clueless of pressing my keyboard for the next words, sentences and paragraphs as I scare I will get dwell into making this post seems negative.


So, let's not plan things but goes according to what God determines... will it be better? Afterall, life is full of uncertainty and I just know I shall be happy-go-lucky like what Kenny Nam suggested? Or to be sarcastically don't care anything, just be sarcastic throughout my entire life?


By the way, I owe a big thank you for some of my dearest friends that no matter what, always by my side to help me to get through when I'm down and always be there to encourage me without leaving me, help up with my studies for this semester and everything or even comforting me after I teared randomly without fail. Names shall not be mention as if you are the one, and you are reading it, yes, it is you that I mean! I'm glad that in my life, I have you all and I truly appreciated this friendship and what you all have done for me too! I will work hard to be better for not wanted to disappoint you all! Fingers crossed ok?

Midgets inspired me!

Final is approaching in less than a week.
Apparently, there are indeed a lots to do but somehow rather procrastination is always there.
I know I can only depend myself to study on my own as there is no one out there is able to help me from A-Z.

Giving up will always not my style, though I might not get a good result this time, but I know as long as I give my best in it, God knows!

Just now, while I was at market having my breakfast, out of sudden voices coming out from somewhere else where I was trying hard to find the source of the noise.
The noise getting nearer and I saw there were 2 midgets there singing and performing to earn their living. One of them is on the wheelchair and handicapped. I did not captured any photo as I don't want them to feel that we were despising them and thought they were funny.

Indeed, they are brave enough to give their performance in front of crowds. Though they were not physically fit, but they never give up and live their life well and not depend on other instead by their ownself.
Their never giving up spirit inspired me that I too shouldn't give up too especially when I just come across a minor obstacles!

From them, I also learned that we must appreciate with what we had and how God creates us as a normal human being compared to the less fortunate which might born as psychically unfit person. Thus, we must love ourself more before we start to love others, if not, we are not even qualified to say that we love and care about others.

 Is time to work hard! Never give up! God, hope that you can lead my way...

 

Seriously untitled for the randomness of it, and basically just the voice from the heart

Exactly 2 months passed...
Its been the lowest point when myself needs to keep on reminding myself, or to be worst self-slapping to wake up myself to get real, to face the reality.
Thanks to those who keep accompanying me throughout my weakest moment, never ending concerning about me to let me know that, everyone is just so care about me, I sincerely know and appreciated that!
All this while, I just let my emotion to carry me away, far far away to where I don't know where it landed and just died at a certain point, for not willing to move or to get rid or wake up.
I don't have the passion in doing anything, I lost confident in most of the things, and I felt that I'm just a loser.
I hate to be alone now, for I will keep on put on my thinking cap and think of many many things.
I hate when the night come I just couldn't get myself to sleep. It's been 2 months I can't really sleep, and it's been 2 months I tears to sleep most of the time.
It's been tormenting me but I believe I'm strong enough and tough as usual no matter what happen.
I really hope I am, and basically, is just law of attraction, when you believe that is possible, then it will be possible. Just as simple as that! Right?!
I just don't understand why and for most of the time, isn't human being always never ending finding an answer to everything?
Sometimes, I just prefer to be silent and not to alarm ppl surrounding me that I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to someone which I regarded the one most closest to me in my uni but the responded from her make me realize that I'm so sickening.(Yet, I never ever deny you in my life from the response you gave me but choose another alternative to go)
From that replied and that moment onwards, I told myself that I will never ever bother you anymore, which is something you don't even wanted to know.
This thing let me realize that friendship is just so fragile, and it comes and goes easily, who will ever be truth to you sometime is just so questionable.
I never ever differentiate any of my friends into categories cause I believe that I treated everyone equally cause every of my friends is just so equally important to me.
I never wanted to offense anyone but somehow rather I know that sometimes I just can't please everyone.
I know that, but I never ever wanted any repay, but just one simple thing, that is be true to me.
Let me have faith in friendship by acknowledging me as a friend of yours.
Life's not about the people to act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back.
Throughout all this things, mind grows mature is something that is undeniable. People always said that, when you at a certain age, you will grow and be considerate towards matters or peoples or to be worst, you will start to have a lot of worries that will never end, till the day of your last breath.
Whatever it is, I just hope that every pain that I went through will somehow rather let me gain something in return. It doesn't need to be visible or to be seen in second but at least, pls let me know that whatever I had done is worthwhile.
I do always reminding myself, no pain no gain!
So, I won't take things for granted, be it friendship or matters.
Ah, is another insomnia night as usual... but when this will come to an end?
God, I believe that you will certainly lead my way..

Recent Weekend

Clubbing session with besties and friends ...

 BBQ session ...

Last but not least, karaoke session ...

* * *

Now, time to work more harder for FYP and final exam!

Self-avoiding is the correct choice!

A damn sickening and emo post should be that is best describe my feeling right now!
Pls avoid this post if you feel that is not appropriate for you, and I will not be responsible for anything that could make you feel not good after this.

Self-hurting is the only thing that make me felt hurt, so hurt! Saw something which is aching is what I've done and I'm sorry to you! Sorry for doing that, but I just couldn't help myself! I hope you can really stand on my point of view and can ever understand my feeling. I didn't blame you but I just felt ache, hurt and pain on what I had saw and what's the replies that you have gave to me! It is just so painful and it is only on my side as I never blame anything on you! But, the replies that you gave me started to let me wonder, "Am I really that sickening?" "Am I really that fucking annoying?" As it I already feel the ultimate pain, hurt and ache, and yet you were not understanding, and started to put on anger in replying me.

Ya, you don't even have any anger on me, not even a minute! Ok, I have got it! That's the most painful replies I have got from you and I remember that and I won't fucking bother your life anymore! You are now just like a total stranger to me for myself not believing you will ever treat me like that, but you did! OK! I HAVE GOT IT!

I truly believe below statement, which is the world won't stop for my grief. So, any friends that are going to scold me and pissed off but  I want to let you all know, I truly understand that. Pls don't be cruel to me and making me feel bad by words now as I am really feel bad on myself as well for right now! Pls have mercy on me!

A short note

Wooots~ I'm gonna hike Maxwell hill in a moment later!
Geez, hope I'm able to make it to the top of the hill, bless me alright?
Will be doing a proper post soon cause Evelyn dear said that I shall update my blog :P

Confession of a "Useless"

Feeling so strange to type something here, not used to type at here at all cause all this while, I do blogging, but seldom in this blogspot anymore. Instead, in somewhere where I can really express my feeling more better.
Hmmm, a lot of things had happened but still I think most of the time I still in my dream land, not willing to wake up and I just seriously slacking a lot, is like been a month, I'm doing nothing at all!
Feel so bad to myself! Feel so bad to my family! Feel so bad to my friends! And feel so bad to my assignment mates also!
I've been not really serious in handling all the tasks, I don't think you all will read this, but still I think that I'm not responsible enough and I promise after this week, I will back to normal! Sorry to you guys ><
I just need some time and I really hope you guys will understand me and won't despise me nor give up on me!

Someone asked me what I want now, in 5 years time and in future...
By that time, I hesitated and paused for quite long, cause after something happened, I feel that I lost my pace, my direction and I just don't know what I want anymore!
I told myself, once I can write at here, means I will back to normal again and yup, I did!
I know is quite a long time but at least I success! Human ain't perfect anyway! I'm still learning to become a better person.
Thanks to the question, I guess I know what I want now!
I hope after this week, is a new start for me to explore more things yet to come in to my life!
Life is short, so, why not live life to the fullest?

To you, sorry for torturing you all this while, and because of my stubbornness, I forced you to take something that you can't even take it. Sorry for making you feeling hard and pain. Sorry for not allowing you to rest even when you wanted to. Sorry for not loving you! Sorry for torturing you! Sorry for making you tears! Sorry for the difficulty of breathing that I had caused you! Sorry for indirectly hurting you! Sorry for making you become weak! Sorry for making you become a useless person! Sorry for making you to become an annoying person in other's life! All this things is caused by me and I promise after this week, one by one will disappear!

Both cousin Abi and Ade are the best! They will always invited me for somewhere whenever it is possible.
Not wanted to disappointed them again, I accepted the invitation and I will say hello to PD this Saturday! Tomorrow gonna go KL and for the 1st time ever in my life, I'm taking KTM from Kampar to KL. Always wanted to do that, but time just now allow and finally I can do that tomorrow with my bestest friend in Uni, Shirley.

Though I know this and next week will be the most busiest week for me, but yet since I have make the decision, so I will bear any consequences. Probably because next Wed I will have one midterm and I hardly even do any revision at all! Assignments also haven't settled. That's why I feel so guilty for just leaving like that and have fun! Omg! I'm so bad! But, do not judge me and ever question my contribution towards my assignments!

As I said, life is just so short, why we just prohibit ourselves to do anything that we want?! Live life to the fullest, explore the unexplored, always be positive & optimistic and never give up! I'm always a tough one, now and forever!

Stay tuned!

I don't have the mojo of blogging recently.
Partly of the new 'nest' I've got for myself and partly there is nothing much happy things to be shared here.
Yet, I won't give up of my blog here.
So, stay tuned! I will be back soon!